I've been thinking a lot about the interplay of love, relationships, and sex the past week or so. As much as I liked to pretend that I was in an adult world before college, I really am in one now. There is so much more of a focus on meeting 'that' person- I mean it's still college, so it's not like it's a pressing matter, but it's there- and I feel like love and heartbreak are that much more poignant, more potent.
I was holding a crying friend this morning (it hurts me that I have to do that as often as I do. Of COURSE I don't mind, but I hate to see them hurting...) and as I was trying to find the words to reassure them, I was struck by the validity of what I was taught about sex growing up. (I'm not going to go too deep into personal details here, because a) nobody wants to know that, and b) it is being posted on the internet.) I also don't want to give any details about my friend, because I wouldn't in good conscience be able to call myself their friend if I did that.
But I was taught that it was special, not just for anyone. And that if someone really did love me, they wouldn't push for it. 'You don't want to do it too early,' I'd heard. 'It loses its' meaning.' 'It should be special.'
How smart I thought I was! Of course I knew better.
But I realized this week...of course I didn't.
"You can't just have the sex," I heard myself say this morning. "Because then it doesn't mean anything. I've gotten so jaded by this point that it doesn't matter....but it should."
Oh, my God.
Was my mother right?
"I just want love," the cry came from my shoulder, their tears streaking down my arms.
Oh, sweetheart...I wish I could sew your heart back together for you.
(And kill the bastard who broke it, but that's impolite so I won't say it).
I'm not too sure what my express purpose is in writing this. I don't want to be preachy and bitchy and tell people to wait or whatever, because that's not my style. But sex, love, relationships- they're two-way streets. Even if it means nothing to you, it could be everything to the other person...don't break their heart. Having someone else there, keeping you warm and safe while you sleep, smiling at your face in the morning, who cares for you and goes out of their way to make you feel good, loved, wanted- that's the most powerful feeling on the planet. Don't throw it away.
I was holding a crying friend this morning (it hurts me that I have to do that as often as I do. Of COURSE I don't mind, but I hate to see them hurting...) and as I was trying to find the words to reassure them, I was struck by the validity of what I was taught about sex growing up. (I'm not going to go too deep into personal details here, because a) nobody wants to know that, and b) it is being posted on the internet.) I also don't want to give any details about my friend, because I wouldn't in good conscience be able to call myself their friend if I did that.
But I was taught that it was special, not just for anyone. And that if someone really did love me, they wouldn't push for it. 'You don't want to do it too early,' I'd heard. 'It loses its' meaning.' 'It should be special.'
How smart I thought I was! Of course I knew better.
But I realized this week...of course I didn't.
"You can't just have the sex," I heard myself say this morning. "Because then it doesn't mean anything. I've gotten so jaded by this point that it doesn't matter....but it should."
Oh, my God.
Was my mother right?
"I just want love," the cry came from my shoulder, their tears streaking down my arms.
Oh, sweetheart...I wish I could sew your heart back together for you.
(And kill the bastard who broke it, but that's impolite so I won't say it).
I'm not too sure what my express purpose is in writing this. I don't want to be preachy and bitchy and tell people to wait or whatever, because that's not my style. But sex, love, relationships- they're two-way streets. Even if it means nothing to you, it could be everything to the other person...don't break their heart. Having someone else there, keeping you warm and safe while you sleep, smiling at your face in the morning, who cares for you and goes out of their way to make you feel good, loved, wanted- that's the most powerful feeling on the planet. Don't throw it away.
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